It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
