when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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