Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
