tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
