my phone needs a breathalizer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
