I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
