I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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