Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
