he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
