Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
