You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
