My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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