I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
