so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
