So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
