I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
