Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
