how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
