i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
