so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
