that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
