you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
