Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
smell my finger.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
