this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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