stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
