Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just gargled with NyQuil
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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