I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
