it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
3 2 1 whiskey
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
