Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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