i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
