I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
