Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
