yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
