the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
