I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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