dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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