Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
