I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
