sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
