You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
