why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
