either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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