We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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