guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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