My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
