I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
