i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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