I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
