she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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