Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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