I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
