i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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