does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
