Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
