the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
