Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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