i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
