I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
