Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Randomize
