dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
