Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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