If that was your dad, he is hot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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