Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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