Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
