If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
