There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
