He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
