I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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