I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
