I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
