How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize