there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
