since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
