I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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