i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
