i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
