I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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