I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
