Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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