so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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