My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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